I have realized that I have never said to people that "I want to talk". Somehow I have always ended up saying "Talk whenever you want to / feel like". I have never considered my feelings and it will be wrong of me to expect them to consider.
I have given that chance to them to "not" consider every time I said "talk whenever YOU want to". I don't blame them. They didn't ask for it. I gave them thinking it will hold them back with me / to me.
I look at myself in the mirror and I see a pair of blank eyes staring back at me. I have lost myself while trying to hold on to the happiness or joy I get in bits & pieces. Stolen bits and pieces of happiness and joy.
I can feel my shadow fading away. I can feel and see myself getting lost in the darkness with the hopes that someone will pull me out of it. But will someone do that? Is there a "someone"? I don't think so.
If someday I decide to make this site public and if you are reading this, remember to never give that power to anyone, remember to value your feelings first, be confident in asking for what you think is yours and most importantly remember to walk away when you feel lost even when you with them. Don't run behind stolen bits and pieces. Don't lose yourself so much that you can't find your way back and trust me, there is no one who will help you in finding your way back.... no one! It's just you for you!